MTV’sHow Far Is Tattoo Far?is the kind of messy reality show you’ll only watch by accident, then become obsessed with. It’s the kind of show you’ll only discover if a shook friend sends you a link of an episode clip. It’s the kind of show you’ll stumble across when you’re homesick and channel surfing. The only reasonable response to How Far Is Tattoo Far?is: why does this show exist? Then: Sweet, Lady Altagracia, this show is genius.
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The premise is simple: two people pick tattoos for each other but they’re not allowed to see until after it is permanently inked on them. But this is MTV, guys! The pairs aren’t always exactly best friends, they’re often couples and family members who have unsettled beefs.
And there is no beef quite as unsettled as the one between the couple Juan and Dulce.
Meet Dulce and her cheating ex-Fiancé Juan.
When Dulce and Juan appear on the show, hosted by Nico Tortorella, they’ve already broken up. Dulce is clearly still upset about Juan’s affair with another woman.
“May of 2018, he proposed. Two weeks later I receive a private message from a female that I had no clue who she was. The first thing I see is a picture of him,” Dulce says as the hosts cringe in their seats.
“I see details… how my house looked, my furniture, my pictures. He cheated on me with another one woman in my house – a crazy bitch,” she said. Yikes! But also, I can’t look away from this inevitable trainwreck.
Juan is on the show to try and repair his relationship with Dulce.
“I am not gonna sit here and lie. It was more so, me craving more than what I should,” Juan says. “I want to make it right.”
The tattoo Juan picks for Dulce.
Not only do they get to pick the image of the other party’s tattoo, but they also get to pick the location on the person’s body. Juan has Dulce get the image on her shoulder. When Juan sees Dulce’s tattoo he says it is exactly as he hoped it would look. Dulce walks over to the mirror and turns around. Her response says it all.
“What the hell is that?” She shouts.
I would never let my ex-fiancé who cheated on me choose something to permanently tattoo on my body. Let’s just say, Dulce was not pleased with Juan’s pick of a hideous chameleon.
It is a chameleon with a blue, purple, and pink gradient on a branch with hearts. There’s even an engagement ring on the chameleon’s tail. Bless, Juan, because you know he really meant it. He clearly thought this was beautiful, healing imagery. Maybe it is for a … little girl? But Juan was thinking deeper. The chameleon, you see, is a metaphor.
“In order to move on, we have to be able to change,” he says.
To which Dulce responds: “What the hell do I have to change?”
Juan says he still wants to marry Dulce and have kids. The revelation brings her to tears. You can see how angry she is at Juan because he hurt her, but also because there was a time when she probably thought he was the love of her life. But Dulce isn’t here to fix their relationship. She is here for revenge.
The tattoo Dulce picks for Juan.
Cheating — the quickest way to end up in the dog house. ???? #TattooFar pic.twitter.com/wql1FuyNYd— How Far Is Tattoo Far? (
Dulce says she has nothing to say to Juan. The reveal is shocking. She picked a dog’s body with a woman’s face on Juan’s stomach. His belly button is the dog’s butthole.
“You mess with the bitch, you got to sit in the dog house,” she says.
Dulce is not the forgive and forget type. Perhaps, it is important that Juan learned this before he married her anyway.
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“I chose the dog because when that girl messaged me she said he had bent her over on all fours on my couch. And the face is because you cheated on me with a bitch who is so disgusting. Now everyone is going to be laughing at you,” Dulce told him on national television. “I definitely got my revenge.”
But Juan still has hope for some reason.
“This doesn’t change how I feel about you,” Juan says. “I am still going to love you until the end of time.”
I can say without a doubt that I have never seen anything quite like this 4:25 minute MTV clip. Best of luck to Dulce, you are a queen!