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Question - (10 October 2014) 12 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2014)A femaleage 30-35,anonymouswrites:


I have a serious trouble that I don"t recognize just how to adress.

You are watching: How to get over your girlfriend not being a virgin

Me and also my girlfrifinish have actually known each other considering that we were in our teens. It"s been about 8 years currently that we"ve been friends. We"ve constantly gotten along good, been finest friends and fell in love with each other about 5 years back, however were also scared to admit we"re actually in love till at an early stage 2013.

Now, as you can more than likely assume, I genuinely love her with all of my heart. She understands me better than anyone, knows my negative and also great sides and vice versa. We honestly have actually a great relationship! Unfortunately, there have actually been some substantial downsides (such as her leaving me hanging out of the blue in spring 2013 and also simply altogether disshowing up - we obtained back together in fall. and also her dropping me aacquire in might 2014) that I can"t seem to forget. I have actually pertained to toleprice them, yet.

The actual problem right here is that she has told me that she shed her virginity around 3 years earlier to some man I don"t know. Ever considering that I knew this, I can not gain it out of my head. The thought of someone else deflowering her and also emotional her prefer that downappropriate disgusts me. It pains me so much to think favor this because I adore her, yet I can"t unsee it. I can include that I, myself, am still a virgin. I just feel favor it"s nothing special anymore now. And eincredibly time I think about it I obtain incredibly irritated. It"s honestly driving me nuts because it"s so frequently on my mind and also I do not know what to carry out versus it?

I occasionally even catch myself scoffing as soon as she says she has actually been in love through me for 5 years and also that she has actually never before loved anyone else choose then - then why would certainly she have had sex via that guy? I find myself unable to return her feelings in cases choose that.

I"m really at my wit"s finish. I actually thought about breaking up with her because of this, yet I would be devaproclaimed.

View connected questions: ideal friend, fell in love, acquired back together, still a virgin

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Amale reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014):

She is perfectly normal - and also so are you. DO NOT let anyone tell you that your values are the wrong ones or unfair or any kind of of that bullshit. She has a best to her past and also you have a appropriate to yours. Her previous renders her that she is and so does yours. Get my drift?

This is a compatibility problem. It just gets turned into a values trouble when world want a connection via the other perchild anyway and fight via it.

Your sexual moral values are not quite compatible via this girl. You need to take it or leave it. This distinction is not going to go away or bother you any type of less over time.

A femalereader, CindyCares 

 +, writes (13 October 2014):

Very harsh ?...

the OP of course have the right to have actually all the morals and worths that she wants, and deserve to additionally bring her morals and also vaues wherever they will certainly be shared , construed and also appreciated.

Instead the OP chooses to continue to be with a person who has different morals and also worths, tryng to impose HER values and morals on this person, and also feeling DISGUST, basically, for this person, simply bereason she happens not to share the OP"s personal ( and also rather unexplained ) morals and worths.

Talk about spitting in the plate where you eat ! Isn"t that harsh too ?

Afemale reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2014):

I think some of the various other answers are very harsh.

It can be difficult if your views and morals differ to your partners. We have the right to view that to you offering your virginity to someone you love is essential.

Unfortunately not everyone will feel this means. Your girlfrifinish either does not feel this method or did but made a mistake. Either means it doesn"t must be the finish of your connection.

If she made a mistake it is not fair to blame her as she might well be trying to resolve her feelings in the direction of that herself. If she doesn"t regard virginity as somepoint exceptionally necessary then she will not see having sex via someone before being via you as wrong and so in a feeling that clears any blame from her. Those are her views to be respected as a lot as yours.

A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2014):

The 100th time someone has sex is no less special than the initially time. A womale (or man) does not end up being disvalued after shedding their virginity. She is perfectly normal and you are not. I would certainly break up with you if I knew your actions.

A malereader, olderthandirt 

 +, writes (10 October 2014):

That would be akin to me finding out my wife had actually girl o girl sex once she was a teenager. Big f"n deal. Drop the negative feelings around somepoint you had actually no control over9I expect what if it had been a rape?) you are dwelling on you not her. Get over yourself. Life is too brief to be concerned over such sillyness. Good Luck and carry on

A femalereader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 October 2014):

I additionally believe that virginity is completely overrated, it really is, at least I thought, a guy thing. Apparently I was wrong. You however are yet another sufferer of RJ and also from what I have actually learned on this website, overcoming RJ deserve to be near to impossible. If you love her you need to want to carry out the kindest thing for her and that would be to cut her loose. The victims of RJ live a miserable existence, constantly paying for something that was never before a crime, unjustly puniburned and also resented. If this is preying so constantly on your mind I"m afrhelp your particular case of RL a lot of likely will certainly require you to uncover new companion who is totally virginal.

A femalereader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 October 2014):

First of all your connection sounds kind of unsteady as it is. With her doing the vanishing act eincredibly now and then once it PLEASES her.

Secondly, YOU as a woguy should know that the "virginity" of a woman indicates nothing. It"s a male made social construct to save the possibility of a MAN raising someone else son/daughter to a bare minimum. It frames a woman’s worth as inversely proportional to the number of penis that have been inside her. It renders no sense. You don"t LOSE your virginity, you SHARE your body via someone on you first time. Her worth isn"t less bereason she had sex via someone various other than you at a time YOU TWO weren"t together. She might have actually LOVED you at the moment it occurred , however was trying to CONFORM to the NORM of society... being via a male.

And what perform you do? YOU SHAME her for not being "pure" for you. Well, SHAME on you. If you deserve to not LOVE the woguy in front of you, because she has actually had an experience YOU have favored NOT to have... then let her go.

Let he discover a person that is OK through ALL of her.

Sounds to me like you should read up on Retrograde Jealousy and you should LET her go, because holding her PAST versus her like some kind of baracquiring chip in your favor is not appropriate and also you know it.

Good luck, and I hope once you end it you aren"t going to throw her initially time through a male in her face, because that is a low blow.

Afemale reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014):

I don"t see her as a "whore". I just cannot seem to obtain over the fact that someone else has actually been emotional her choose this. I mean I feel prefer providing myself to her makes it less unique currently, bereason we can not share our initially times together?

I actually challenged her around this some time ago (a couple of months, at least) and she has actually sassist that she never even really loved those males and also simply tried to "move on". She hadn"t even been in addition to them for longer than a month.

I guess it simply clashes via my see of exactly how someone must treat their virginity. To me, it"s something special. I know tright here are those that don"t think so, also. I can"t really obtain behind that, unfortunately.

Amale reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014):

I feel for you. Someexactly how we grow up with a strong love - sex link. Most civilization lose this and also shun those that give sexual connections a high value. You can"t blame your girlfrifinish for what she has done.

You either provide up your worths (as I have) or leave and discover someone that matches your values. Yes they carry out exist!

Good luck

Afemale reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014):

Many civilization at that age are not virgins. It"s a rare point, yet it have to not be hosted versus a person. I am a virgin, but my boyfriend isn"t. I would rather not think around it, yet I perform not organize it against him. He didn"t also know me as soon as he shed is. I do not mind.

If this is that significant of an problem for you, then finish the connection. It"s not fair to her to be hoswarm. She"s done nopoint wrong. Sometimes some civilization play approximately even though they don"t love the various other perboy.

Afemale reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2014):

Break up via her. It"s widespread human being your age have actually lost their virginity and also we no much longer live in the Center Ages. You speak of someone deflowering her. Please, she met a male and also believed she favored him and also slept with him. No huge deal.

I think in your head, you"ve put her on a pedestal and also believed of all the "exactly how it can be" type thoughts. Often once people say they"ve loved someone for years, as soon as they actually get together it"s not all what they believed it would be. That"s generally because the believed of being in love with them is full fantasy and also very various to the genuine life being via them.

She is most likely a lovely girl, but if you"re scoffing at her clintends to love you, which may be sincere, she will sooner or later pick up on that and if I"m hoswarm womales deserve much better than that. You"re jealous of her previous and she can"t readjust it, possibly if you told her sooner then it wouldn"t have occurred - however as I said tright here is no changing the past. So you either like it or lump it. If you can not handle the believed of it then separation up. But you will come across various other girls that have a sex-related previous and then what? You will certainly think their deceleration to prefer you does not intend anything bereason they slept through someone prior to you?

Talk some feeling into yourself. If you adore this girl like you say, then you will gain over it. Due to the fact that you will certainly view her for who she is now and not what taken place previously. It would be lovely for partners to save themselves for someone special, I do not disagree that it would certainly be a lovely respectful sentiment yet the truth is it simply doesn"t take place commonly any type of more. If you love her as a lot as you case then you should respect her enough to not emphasis on the past and instead your future together.

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A femalereader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (10 October 2014):

I think you have to break up via her. She is an adult and also has actually done nopoint wrong, and you seem to be slut shaming her over it. I discover this type of mindset from men deplorable, and frankly she"d be better off without you. The vast majority of world your age are not virgins. Perhaps after you day a couple of woguys who have had multiple partners you"ll speak seeing this sweet girl as some sort of whore.

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