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James Patterchild holds the Guinness World Record for the most #1 New York Times bestsellers, consisting of Middle School, I Funny, and Jacky Ha-Ha, and his publications have actually marketed more than 350 million duplicates international. A tireless champion of the power of publications and reading, Patterboy created a children"s book imprint, JIMMY Patterson, whose mission is simple: "We want eextremely son who finishes a JIMMY Book to say, "PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER BOOK."" Patterkid invests proceeds from the sales of JIMMY Patterchild Books in pro-reading campaigns.
You are watching: Middle school how i survived bullies summary
Hometown:Palm Beach, Florida
Date of Birth:March 22, 1947
Place of Birth:Newburgh, New York
Education:B.A., Manhattan College, 1969; M.A., Vanderbilt College, 1971
Read an Excerpt
Do you ever before review the first line of a book and SLAM the thing shut? I certain do.
I hope you didn"t carry out that to my story. Guess I"ll never understand.
Anyway, hi. I"m Rafe Khatchadorian, and if you currently know me, then you understand I carry out things a tiny in different ways than the majority of people. I favor to break the rules. No, I love to break rules. Especially dumb ones, prefer no talking in the hallways at my school and only being enabled to usage the bathroom 2 times a day, no matter what.
So I do not know if this has been done prior to in the background of books, however I"m going to tell you some of the means this story might end. And I"m going to perform it best here at the beginning of the book.
I saw summer camp/summer school this year. But prior to the complete eight weeks were up, things went sort of cuckoo-crazy (okay, a lot cuckoo-crazy), and also I finished up packing my bags early. (Actually, some camp counselors packed them for me.)
My unmeant leave might have actually had something to carry out with this emergency situation:
Or possibly what happened was even more favor this unfortunate event:
It likewise can have actually gone somepoint choose this:
Or choose this photo, which states about ten thousand words:
I can tell you for certain that it had something to perform with this little bit disaster:
Somewhere in all of that, there"s an ending to this crazy story. There"s some middle in tright here too.
But that"s as a lot as I"m going to tell you for currently. If you want all the gory details, you"re going to need to check out on. At your very own risk.
I"ll tell you this much: This is a tale of bullies and also broccoli, of shocking bravery and also even more shocking cowardliness (or but you say that), of gallons of puke, of friends and fiends, and of being totally, hopelessly shed on a place dubbed Snake Hill.
I promise: You won"t be bored.
Maybe you check out Middle School, The Worst Years of My Life. Well, this was the Worst Summer of My Life.
But it was also—weirdly—the best.CHAPTER 2
WeLCOMe TO CAMP WANNAMORRA
Now that we"ve acquired the finishing out of the method, I guess we deserve to begin the story.
You recognize those regular-type camps, wright here youngsters via spiffy haircuts spend the summer running around in the fresh air, and roasting marshmpermits to an also brown, and also swimming in the lake all day long? Maybe you"ve even been to among those locations.
Well, hold that thought. Here"s one more question:
Have you ever before check out that book Holes? If you haven"t, you must, because it"s an awesome book. But tright here was a camp in that story too—Camp Eco-friendly Lake, which was actually a priboy for kids.
Let"s say that the area I went, Camp Wannamorra, was somewbelow right in the middle of all that. Half camp and fifty percent prichild. And by "prison" I suppose institution.
That"s right. Me. Summer school. AGAIN.
Eincredibly morning from eight to twelve at Camp Wannamorra, we were going to be in classes. I was going to take the sort for youngsters that require a little extra assist. And my brainiac sister, Georgia, was going to take the "Challenge Program," for kids that had nopoint better to carry out on vacation than obtain smarter than they currently were. It didn"t sound anypoint choose camp to me.
The even more Mom talked around it, the more excited Georgia got, which made me even even more suspicious. Mom preserved calling it "summer camp," but I was pretty sure it was going to look somepoint like this.
If you read my last 2 books—or even my sister Georgia"s stupid story—then you recognize that school isn"t exactly my finest subject. I"ve currently "done time" at Hills Village Center School and also Cathedral School of the Arts and Airbrook Arts. (I"m kind of, kind of, an artist, yet even more about that later on.)
The bottom line was, if I wanted to save going to Airbrook, I essential to "execute some remedial work" over the summer.CHAPTER 3
GOOD-BYe AND GOOD LuCK (BeCAuSe, RAFe, YOu"Re GOiNG TO NeeD IT)
My mommy and Grandma Dotty drove me and also Georgia approximately camp for the initially day.
"You certain you have everything we packed? Everything you need?" Mom asked us about ten times from the front seat of our smoking—and I mean cigarette smoking in a negative way—eighteen-year-old household van.
"I"m sure!" Georgia shelp. "And in fact, I"m sure that I"m sure."
Georgia had actually packed around eight weeks in development, checked her list forty times, and then made a copy of the list to make certain she wouldn"t shed it ... and also double-checked that too. My sister might be smart, however she"s additionally nuttier than a squirrel"s nest on the initially day of winter.
"Rafe, what around you?" Mom asked, bereason I"m type of the oppowebsite of Georgia. "Do you have every little thing you need?"
"Um ... I guess so," I shelp. "Y"recognize, choose I said last time you asked. Three minutes back."
The great news was that we had actually a entirety lake in between the boys" side of the camp and also the girls" side. If I was lucky, I"d hardly view Georgia at all for the entirety eight weeks. It virtually made the summer-college thing worth it. (I sassist nearly.)
When we drove onto the camp grounds, we obtained to the boys" side initially. I pulled out my stuff from the back and tried to make a clean getaway, but Mom"s pretty mushy around this stuff. She required to gain in a few hugs before I might go.
"I know it"s institution, yet it"s camp too," she sassist. "I think you just might have an excellent time. I really do!"
"Assuming you don"t obtain eaten by a bear," Grandma shelp. She was looking at the camp brochure. "Or lost on Snake Hill. Or—"
"Snake Hill?" Georgia shelp from the backseat. "There"s a Snake Hill here? What does that mean? Like ... real snakes? Really?"
I love Grandma Dotty, but sometimes she states stuff without thinking around it. "So lengthy, kiddo!" she shelp. She got to over then and hugged me too, really tight, the method she always does. "You"re either going to love it, or you"re going to hate it here. Placed that in your pipe and smoke it." (My grandma says stuff like that all the time.)
Anymethod, I was sort of nervous. It"s one thing to be a nobody at school, once you have the right to go residence at the end of the day. It"s another thing to get dropped off in the middle of the woods, via a camp full of total strangers that you"re going to be living via, eating with, and also sleeping via for the next fifty-6 days and nights (or so I believed at the time).
"Come on, Jules," Grandma said. "Camp does not begin till the paleas leave. We have to drop off Miss Georgia and also skedaddle!"
"Georgia? Rafe?" Mom said. "Do you want to say good-bye to each other?"
"Not really," Georgia said.
"Whatever," I shelp.
"Well, execute it anymeans," Mom sassist.
Okay, one more little little bit of truth below. It was true that I couldn"t wait to gain away from Georgia, even if we would certainly simply be on two sides of the same camp. But now that Mom and also Grandma were around to take off, some teeny, tiny part of me was glad that Georgia would be roughly. I don"t recognize why. I simply was.
And for the record, if you ever before tell her I sassist that, I"m going to hunt you dvery own and put fire ants in your resting bag.
You"ve been warned.CHAPTER 4
MeeT THe BOOGeR EATeR
I guess that the first day of camp is a small choose the initially day of institution. You deserve to spot the popular kids ideal amethod, because they"ve already latched on to a large blob of about a million friends. Other children simply look sort of shed. (Guess which team I was in?)
So far, it was all too familiar.
When I offered my name to the nearemainder counselor with a clipboard, he looked at his list and also shelp, "Yep, below you are. Rafe Khatchadorian. You"ll be with Rusty and also the Muskrats."
I had no concept what that intended. It sounded favor some sort of terrifyingly poor band also.
"Just take your gear and head down that route," he sassist. He pointed right into the woods. "It"s the fifth cabin on your appropriate."
From the parking lot, I complied with the twisty route he confirmed me and also counted the various other cabins alengthy the method. The first one had a sign on the front that sassist ant hill and also a bunch of little bit youngsters running roughly in front. After that came Sly Fox Run, then Bald Eagle"s Nest, then Grizzly Bear Cave, and also lastly ... Muskrat Hut.
And I thought—seriously? I can have actually been an Eagle or a Bear or a Fox, yet no. For the following eight weeks, I was going to be a Muskrat. Great.
The initially perkid I met was Rusty, our cabin counselor. He was waiting, best tright here on the front porch actions, with his very own clipboard.
Cabin counselor is kind of prefer homeroom teacher—except Rusty wasn"t prefer any kind of home-room teacher I"d ever watched prior to. He was more prefer 3 teachers, all packed into one body. And I do not mean that he was fat. He looked choose the type of man who invested all day at the gym and also then dreamed about lifting weights at night simply so he could gain in an additional workout. Even his muscles had actually muscles.
"Hey, Rafe, dude, super cool to fulfill you!" he shelp, while he broke most of the bones in my hand. "You pumped? I hope you"re pumped, "reason we"re going to have actually a super-awesome time this summer."
"Um ... awesome?" I sassist, bereason I didn"t know what else to say.
At the same time, there was a whole bunch of insane yelling and pounding coming from inside the cabin. It sounded favor my cabinmates were tearing it down from the inside out, but Rusty didn"t seem to care or also alert. The only other perkid I might actually see was this skinny kid on the front porch, reading the thickest book I"ve ever checked out.
"Yo, Norman!" Rusty sassist. "Placed dvery own the Encyclopedia Normanica a sec and also come fulfill your bunk mate."
I"m not going to lie. All I assumed when I experienced him was, I hope this child brought sunblock. He looked choose he"d simply crawled out from under some rock.
And then I assumed, Wow. His glasses were around as thick as his book. It didn"t take a genius to guess that he was here for the Challenge Program, not for the one for youngsters favor me.
"Rafe, Normale. Norguy, Rafe," Rusty sassist. When we shook hands, it was a tiny prefer grabbing host of an uncooked chicken cutlet. "Why do not you display him wright here he"s bunking?"
"Sure," Normale sassist, pulling open the squeaky, old display door to the cabin. "And thanks, Rusty."
"For what?" he said.
"For not calling me—"
"BOOGER EATER!" came a chorus of voices from inside the cabin.
Then a pillow flew out the door and also practically knocked Norman off the porch. Not that it would certainly take that much. I kind of felt sorry for him appropriate away.
Except then I started reasoning ...
On the inside, the cabin was pretty fundamental. And by basic, I mean that caveguys would have actually asked for an upgrade. On the windows, tbelow were simply displays via holes and rips, no glass, and also 4 seriously lopsided bunk beds. You might see between the floorboards to the ground external, and also the ceiling was just significant wooden beams, all the method as much as the roof. That"s where many of the various other guys were, crawling roughly. And that"s wright here the following two pillows came from.
One of the flying pillows recorded me in the challenge. The other one whizzed past Norguy. He acted prefer it hadn"t also occurred.
"This is your bunk," he sassist. It was a bottom one, and also closest to the door. All the other beds were taken. I guess that"s what you acquire for being the last one in. Not only was I bunking through a kid named Booger Eater, yet if we acquired visited by a grizzly bear in the middle of the night, guess that was initially in line on the all-you-can-eat human buffet?
Still, I was going to concern around that later. For now, I was trying to number out if these men were piling on bereason I was the brand-new son or because I was currently component of the group. Or both. They appeared sort of okay, though.
What I did recognize was that as lengthy as Norman the Booger Eater was roughly, I had actually an above-average shot at not being the greatest loser in the cabin. That was worth something, right?
The Muskrats. The Muskrats? The Muskrats! (It doesn"t issue just how you say it—it still sounds lame.)
Here, let me present you to the men.CHAPTER 5
WHO"S WHAT"S FOR DiNNeR?
You understand what, Nuke?" Dweebs told me. "You"re going to fit ideal in right here."
"Nuke?" I said.
Dweebs simply type of shrugged. "It"s short for New Kid. You"re the just one that wasn"t below last year."
I guess everyone at Camp Wannamorra had actually a nickname. Or at leastern all the Muskrats did. Besides, I didn"t mind Nuke so a lot. It was better than some of the other possibilities. Like Booger Eater.
On the other hand, all that relocating in had operated up an appetite, I guess. By the time they rang the massive dinner bell dvery own at the main building, I was starving.
"Don"t acquire as well excited," Smurf told me. "Not unmuch less you"re a large fan of mushy oatmeal."
"Or mushy broccoli," Cav shelp.
"Yeah," Two Tunz shelp. "I shed ten pounds last summer. And that was after the pie-eating dispute."
I didn"t also care, though. At least I wouldn"t be eating alone. Camp had just began an hour ago, and also I currently had actually a cabin complete of friends.
We all walked dvery own to the Cjust how Pit together. Cav told me that was the name for the cafeteria. But when we obtained there, I didn"t see a cafeteria at all. Just a bunch of rickety picnic tables in a large circle on the grass, with a small hut off to the side.
"This is it?" I shelp. "There"s not even a roof. What if it gets warm out?"
"Then we sweat," Bombardier told me.
"What if it rains?" I asked.
"Then the meat loaf isn"t so dry," Two Tunz sassist through a laugh. He and also Bombardier high-fived best over my head.
Eincredibly cabin had its own picnic table in the circle. We sat dvery own at the Muskrat table while Rusty went with the other counselors to gain the plates and silverware and stuff. That left around a hundred campers external, all running roughly and laughing and also talking at once.
At first, I didn"t really alert anypoint out of the simple. It was simply a bunch of blah-blah-blah and buzz-buzz-buzz all about me.
But then ... I began to hear stuff I didn"t prefer.
I was simply founding to put two and also 2 together, once I heard someone from a couple tables over who was louder than everyone else.
"What"s for dinner?" the voice asked.
"Dead meat!" someone else sassist.
"What"s for dinner?" the voice asked aobtain.
This time, a bunch of guys answered and also pounded on the table at the exact same time. "DEAD! MEAT!"
"Oh, male," Smurf sassist. "Here we go."
When I looked over, I observed the child that was leading the whole thing, and I knew his form right away. Placed it this way: If you took the words cocky and also conceited and pain in the butt and then linked them all right into one massive word ... and also then looked that word up in the dictionary, you"d see a picture of this guy.
"Who"s that?" I said.
"Doolin," Smurf told me. "He"s in the Bobcat cabin. Just neglect him."
But I didn"t really watch just how. Eextremely time Doolin said "What"s for dinner?" and also eincredibly time the other Bobcats answered "Dead meat!" they were all looking ideal at us. We were the dead meat.
The other males at my table were simply shaking their heads or looking at the ground, other than for Normale, who was reading, and also Legend, who was ... laughing? I had actually no concept what Legend"s deal was, but he obviously thought this was pretty funny.
I just wished I believed it was funny.
"What"s for dinner?" Doolin preserved going, favor a Britney Spears song that repeats over and over and also over till you want to yank your ears right off your head.
Then somebody else yelled out even louder. "Yo! Doolin!" I looked over, and also Rusty was standing there. "Have a seat, dude."
"What? I"m just playin" roughly," he sassist.
"I know, guy. But have actually a seat anymeans."
"What-ev," Doolin sassist, and high-fived the kid beside him prior to he took his time sitting dvery own.
I was glad Rusty was earlier. But then aobtain, this was just the first day. Something told me Rusty wasn"t constantly going to be there, and that Doolin and his wrecking crew weren"t done via us.
That wasn"t all either.
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So much, I"d been feeling favor I"d lucked out, obtaining into this crazy, cool cabin of males. But currently I was starting to think maybe every one of us Muskrats had something in common via Booger Eater, and I hadn"t realized it. Maybe we were the greatest losers at Camp Wannamorra.