You may have actually asked yourself this prior to (or are still asking it, considering that you’re reading this short article appropriate now).
You are watching: Why is my ex girlfriend so mean to me
Exes deserve to be a confutilizing arena to navigate, specifically if they’re being facility to address afterthe breakup once you’ve cut off a lot of call. It can be particularly confmaking use of once they’re being mean; things between the two of you are done, so why are they acting this way?
It’s time to soptimal going around in circles in your head, wondering what you did wrong; let’s go right into ten reasons why your ex is intend to you.
1) They still have feelings for you
A huge reason why your ex is intend to you is that they still have actually feelings for you.
You might be thinking that that makes zero feeling. But if you think around it, it’s a organic reaction to having feelings for someone you’re not allowed to express feelings in the direction of anymore.
They’re feeling things that they don’t desire to feel, so they take it out on you bereason they think that that’s your fault (particularly if you’re the one that initiated the breakup.
They can be unhappy in a new partnership and now they desire you ago.
They could also be angry because they still desire to make it job-related and also you don’t. In that situation, you’re not giving them what they want, so they’re intended to feel some kind of resentment around that.
If anypoint, they can be mad at you bereason feeling that much passion for you (also when it’s the poor, icky kind) still provides them a connection to you(aget, also if it’s the negative kind).
2) They want to obtain your attention
If they want you back and also you’ve chose that pushing that “delete contact” switch was final, they might be acting out as a method to acquire you to connect via them again.
They might be reasoning that the even more they save themselves in your life, the even more you’ll retake into consideration obtaining back right into a connection via them.
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Maybe they’re trial and error the waters, too — stirring the pot to view if you’ll take the bait bereason that can send the message that you still treatment about them. They desire to see what you’ll door how you’ll feel if you talk to them again.
Also, they could be absent you — they’re missing the attention you provided them, so they’ll perform anything to gain that attention ago, also if it implies being mean to you.
3) They’re in the “anger” part of the stages of grief
There’s no specific order for exactly how people need to move on from things because everyone has actually their very own pace and also ways of obtaining with a breakup.
That being shelp, the idea of the five stages of grief has been supplied to label the various steras in recovering from something that has actually hurt you; possibly your ex is expect to you bereason they’re in the “anger” part of the cycle.
The 5 stperiods are denial, anger, barobtaining, depression, and acceptance.
Although they don’t necessarily have to be knowledgeable in order (you could ping pong and also go in circles between the 5 if that’s what your procedure looks like), it’s common to endure at leastern one at a time. Maybe your ex is simply mean bereason they’re stuck in that circle of breakup-hell.
In a breakup conmessage, they might be angry because they’ve realized that they deserve more from a partnership and are currently mad at themselves too — but of course, they’ll be likely to pin it on you and expush that by being suppose.
4) They’re still hurting over the breakup
Your ex could still be mad at you because they’re still hurt over shedding you; they’re using their anger to shield themselves from their sadness.
Think of it this method. They shed the perkid who was meant to love them the a lot of. That hurts, whether they were the dumper or the dumped.
Naturally, shedding that perkid would make them angry and also mean bereason they could be feeling betrayed bereason of guarantees the 2 of you can have made to each other before.
They might additionally be made from old trauma or the factor for the breakup.
If you hurt each other (particularly if you’re the one that hurt them), they could still be holding onto anger from what happened — explaining why they’re still mean to you also after you’ve broken up.
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5) They’re jealous
If you’re dating someone new, there’s a huge chance your ex is suppose to you bereason they’re jealous.
At one point, the two of you most likely thought you’d be together forever. Now that you’re showing them that it won’t take place anyeven more, it could be fanning the betrayal flames.
They’ll also want to one-up whoever before you’re datingto present you that they’re the much better alternative, and if that isn’t working, it’s even more reason for them to be mad at and intend to you.
6) They’re pretending to be over you
This is a see-through tactic for the post-breakup struggle; if they’re suppose to you, they could be pretfinishing to be over you.
They’re deflecting any type of lingering feelings they have onto you, the subject of those feelings, who they can’t seem to speak thinking about.
To overcompensate, they currently act prefer they’re mad— and they could even be mad at themselves bereason they understand they’re simply pretfinishing to more than it and it can not be functioning.
7) They’re stressed around the breakup
Of course, you might not directly be the factor that they’re suppose to you. It’s possible that they’re just stressed out around the case overall and are picking to take it out on you bereason, in their heads, you led to this tension.
This is especially feasible in even more serious relationships once the two of you have actually been entangled in as well many kind of things; carry out you have actually any type of joint accounts that you need to close? Any rent payments for your apartment that you now need to figure out?
All of these other determinants can be making them anxious, so if your ex is intend to you, it might be because they’re upcollection around the case.
8) They’re guilty about the breakup
In psychology, there’s a defense system calledreactivity formationwhich happens when you expush the opposite of what you’re feeling bereason you want to cover up what you’re actuallyfeeling.
In this case, if they’re guilty about the breakup, they can be trying to pick a fight through you bereason they want to press away their guilt.
Maybe they were the ones who cheated, or they regretted exactly how they instantly asked you to relocate out after the breakup. If tbelow are feelings of guilt that they can’t remove, they could be mean to you to cover it up.
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9) They feel prefer you’re not getting the message
If you’ve been trying to get them to come earlier to you, they can be mean on function to shake you off. This can be their way of making it clear that they reallydon’t desire to provide your partnership another swarm.
They might be extra-suppose to break your denial bubble if you still haven’t accepted that the connection has ended.
If you’re still chasing after them bereason you still desire them earlier, they can feel favor you’reholding them backfrom being happy and also resent that. This is most likely a frustrating case for them, so it’d define why they’re being suppose.
10) They don’t want to hurt you
Now it reallydoesn’t make sense at initially, right?
It actually does when you think about it, bereason probably they’re being expect and trying to pick a fight so that they’renot the ones who hurt you; currently, the narrative is that you hurt each various other.
If they desire to save their hands clean once it pertains to the hurt they’ve brought about, they can desire to level the scales by goading you right into hurting them earlier so that to them, it doesn’t feel choose they hurt you.
If they pick a fight and also you fight back, they can consider themselves to be a victim also.
Tbelow are two methods this have the right to go, depending on what you want to do next.
Do you want to obtain back together with them or execute you want to finish things when and for all?
If you want to gain back together, display them that you’ve enhanced and have end up being a much better perboy now. Maybe they’re mean to you bereason they want you to think it’s over and they desire it to be over because they broke up through you for a reason.
But if you’ve changed for the much better since then and also you desire them to rethink about obtaining ago through you, display them what they’re absent and keep your fingers crossed.
If you want to break it off for good,stop taking the bait. Don’t fight fire via fire.
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Decide that you’re done and also give each various other the spaceyou have to cool off any type of unresolved bad feelings. Maybe this could also bring about you ceasing contact altogether; if that’s something you desire, keep a safe distance from the fire and be prepared via an extinguisher to put it out.
Like we sassist, exes are complex — yet they don’t need to be. Pay attention to their behavior and also inevitably, you’ll number out as soon as and for all why they’re being expect to you.
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